Do you simply converse or actually ‘communicate’ ?

Communication is the most important part of our everyday life irrespective of who we are. It is the one thing that makes or breaks our relationships and circumstances day in and day out. Here is some ‘food for thought’ around communication based out of my own experience.

First things first, the golden rule of communication prevails even today – Talk less, observe more!

Secondly, do not overload others with your own ideas so much so that they would not be able to digest it. Do not keep on pouring your ideas continuously. Most of the times, you are so engrossed in ideating your thoughts that you are not even sensitized of whether the other person is able to comprehend all that you are saying. Watch out !

Thirdly, do not bore people with your stories of failure or success. For them, your failure stories will be equally boring as your success stories. You keep bragging about ‘Oh! I went here, I did this, I did that!’ and the listener is fretting , ‘Oh my God ! When will this guy ever stop?!’. This tendency is due to the fact that your own mind derives such pleasure out of talking that it doesn’t feel the need at all to consider the listener’s ability to hear you out!

Fourth, instead of blowing your own trumpets of likes and dislikes, ask them what is it that they want and they like. Sometimes, out of the blue, you just declare all that You like and dislike without even being asked. Remember, you aren’t talking to the income tax department, asking you to declare your assets or your achievements ! While you enjoy going overboard in declaring all your achievements, likes and dislikes, for a listener, you appear to be a very self-centered person. So, drop this tendency with awareness!

Having known the ‘Do not’ of communication, let’s look at the Do’s now.

The more pleasant you are, the more centered you are, people tend to be more fond of you. Be centered and expect nothing from the other person. Usually, in your mind, you are expecting some kind of recognition, appreciation or favor from the other during your conversation. Anticipation of favor, recognition or appreciation are like the speed breakers that put a brake on your friendliness with the people around you.

From the bottom of your heart, when you say, ‘I want nothing from this person, I don’t need to be appreciated by him/her’, that is when you will begin to witness the big shift happening within you. This feel of wanting nothing is not coming out of arrogance. It is different. In arrogance, you still have the urge for approval and validation from others, while here, you are not looking for an approval or recognition from them. So, whenever you feel the urge for external recognition, just remember that everybody is caught up in their own little world !

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